Gently

Lead-in

  • What are the most common things people get offended by?
  • What tips would you give to someone who doesn’t accept criticism?

Presentation

Pre

  • Do you agree with the following quote? Why or why not?

“Even with the best intentions behind it, criticism can make me feel defensive”

– Helen Jane Hearn

Top Down

  • Read the text and check if any of your tips are mentioned.
  • Choose the option that best summarizes the idea the author wants to convey.
  1.  
  1. People should walk away whenever they’re criticized in order to avoid conflict.
  2. Always ask questions to understand why you’re being criticized.
  3. Make an effort not to take criticism to heart so as to maintain healthy relationships.
  4. Although criticism might be well-intentioned, people often feel defensive about it.
  1. People should walk away whenever they’re criticized in order to avoid conflict.
  2. Always ask questions to understand why you’re being criticized.
  3. Make an effort not to take criticism to heart so as to maintain healthy relationships.
  4. Although criticism might be well-intentioned, people often feel defensive about it.

4 Tips For Taking Criticism Gracefully

Even with the best intentions behind it, criticism can often make me feel defensive, as if I were under attack. As the recipient of many kinds of criticism over the years, I’ve collected five tips to help you gracefully accept the words meant to make you better, without taking them to heart, no matter how awful it may feel hearing them.

Listen
The first response most of us have when it comes to even the best intended criticism is to become defensive. A defensive response may show itself as inattention, burning rage or stammering. As much as your chest feels tight and your face reddens, hearing the criticism all the way through may teach you something.

Even the most painful comments can teach us something about ourselves. Shut your mouth, close down your defenses and listen to what they really have to say and try your best not to walk away. After all, storming out isn’t a very productive thing to do.

Ask questions
To grow, you want to make sure you fully understand the person criticizing you. I like to do this by asking questions. These questions are especially important if the criticism received isn’t particularly clear. By asking these clarifying questions, you’re having a conversation with your critic—this can create cooperation. Also, it can be a way to make sure your critic meant what they said.

Respond
If you don’t think they have a point, and you are positive it’s not just your ego in the way, you can tell your criticizer so. Instead of using an angry tone, try responding by saying something like, “I didn’t realize I came across that way. Thanks for sharing your opinion. From my side, it seems like …” And then fill in the blank with your real opinion. “From my perspective,” is an incredibly useful phrase to have on the ready.

Accentuate the positive
Your superior is probably not looking for you to defend yourself, they are looking to make sure that you hear what they’re saying—and planning to incorporate that feedback into your future behavior. You’re not on trial or being put down. Try to respond by pointing out the positive. Say, “Thanks so much for your feedback, I’ve screwed up this way … How could I look at this better?” At the very least, say something along the lines of, “Thanks for telling me, I want to take some time to think about this.”

Hopefully, this has helped. Remember, it’s important to stay open to criticism in order to maintain healthy relationships as well as personal growth.

Adapted from Source

Bottom Up

  • True or False?

Example: Criticism always makes the writer feel defensive. False

  1. Listening to criticism may teach you something. 
  2. Storming out is often very productive. 
  3. Asking questions can be a way to make sure someone means what they say. 
  4. If you think your criticizer doesn’t have a point, it’s best not to say anything.
  5. Your boss criticizes you to see if you can defend yourself. 
  6. Staying open to criticism is good for your relationships. 
  1. Listening to criticism may teach you something. True
  2. Storming out is often very productive. False
  3. Asking questions can be a way to make sure someone means what they say. True
  4. If you think your criticizer doesn’t have a point, it’s best not to say anything. False
  5. Your boss criticizes you to see if you can defend yourself. False
  6. Staying open to criticism is good for your relationships. True

Post

  • Which tip did you find the most/least useful? Why?
  • Do you think you will change the way you receive critics after reading the text? Why (not)?

Target Language

Hedging

Modal Verbs

Can, could, may, might, would

  • Laura is too severe at work.
  • Laura can be too severe at work.

Frequency Adverbs

Often, sometimes, usually

  • My father is a cold person.
  • My father is often a cold person.

Probability Adverbs

Perhaps, probably, possibly

  • This is the most horrible movie I’ve ever watched.
  • This is possibly the most horrible movie I’ve ever watched.

Use adverbs of quantity and intensity

(not) very, some, most, a little, a bit, really

  • Carlos isn’t polite.
  • Carlos isn’t very polite.

Criticizing and dealing with criticism

To be open to criticism

  • to be prepared to listen to people’s negative opinions

To be under attack

  • to be strongly criticized

To mean it

  • to say something seriously

To mean it as

  • to say or write something with a specific intention

To put someone down

  • to criticize people in public to make them feel stupid or inferior

To take something to heart

  • to feel upset about something someone said about you

To think someone has a point

  • to agree with a person’s specific argument

To walk away from (a debate)

  • to avoid a situation because it’s difficult to deal with or does not give you any advantages

Controlled Practice

  • Use Hedging from the Target language to modify these sentences.
  1. Thiago doesn’t study as much as he should.
  2. John eats too much fast food.
  3. This is the worst book I’ve ever read.
  4. William is a bitter person.
  5. My neighbors aren’t quiet at all.
  1. Thiago doesn’t really study as much as he should.
  2. John perhaps eats too much fast food.
  3. This is possibly the worst book I’ve ever read.
  4. William is sometimes a bitter person.
  5. My neighbors aren’t very quiet at all.

Freer Practice

  • Answer the following questions using the Target Language.
    • When people disagree with you, do you think they’re trying to put you down?
    • Think about the last time you received an aggressive comment from your parents/spouse/best friend/boss. Do you think they really meant it? Why (not)?
    • Are you open to criticism or do you take it to heart?
    • How do you react when you feel under attack by people’s comments?

Production

  • Think about the following situations. Talk about them using the Target Language.

Example: Your neighbor is being noisy again. > “Hey guys, don’t take this to heart, but could you possibly make less noise?”

  1. Someone answers the phone near you at the cinema.

  2. An elderly person asks you to help out with their internet problems.

  3. Your girlfriend/boyfriend is being extremely jealous.

  1. Someone tries to jump the queue in front of you.

  2. Your friend made a mess in your house.

  3. Someone is listening to loud music in a crowded bus.

Homework

Connect the words from the first column with the words from the second

Example: Mean it > Mean it as

  1. Open to
  2. Put someone
  3. Take something
  4. Think someone
  5. Walk away
  • from the debate
  • to the heart
  • criticism
  • down
  • has a point
  1. Open to
  2. Put someone
  3. Take something
  4. Think someone
  5. Walk away
  1. criticism
  2.  down
  3. to heart
  4. has a point
  5. the debate

Match the collocations with their respective definitions.

  1. To be open to criticism
  2. To be under attack
  3. To mean it 
  4. To mean it as
  5. To put someone down
  6. To take something to heart
  7. To think someone has a point
  8. To walk away from (a debate)
  • To agree with a person’s specific argument
  • To avoid a situation because it’s difficult to deal with or does not give you any advantages
  • To feel upset about something someone said about you
  • To say something seriously
  • To criticize people in public to make them feel stupid or inferior
  • To be strongly criticized
  • To say or write something with a specific intention
  • To be prepared to listen to people’s negative opinions
  1. To be open to criticism
  2. To be under attack
  3. To mean it 
  4. To mean it as
  5. To put someone down
  6. To take something to heart
  7. To think someone has a point
  8. To walk away from (a debate)
  1. To be prepared to listen to people’s negative opinions
  2. To be strongly criticized
  3. To say something seriously
  4. To say or write something with a specific intention
  5. To criticize people in public to make them feel stupid or inferior
  6. To feel upset about something someone said about you
  7. To agree with a person’s specific argument
  8. To avoid a situation because it’s difficult to deal with or does not give you any advantages

Using the expressions from the previous exercise, complete the sentences.

Example: When I said I loved him I meant it as platonic love.

  1. She told me she was crazy to express her point, that’s why I couldn’t understand when she ______________.
  2. I’ll never understand why people insist on __________________. It is so embarrassing passing through this kind of situation.
  3. Marie needs therapy! Every little thing someone says to her she ___________________.
  4. Did you warn the employees about the feedback session today? They need to be ______________.
  5. Chris told Kevin yesterday he changed his mind. Maybe he _____________________.
  1. She told me she was crazy to express her point, that’s why I couldn’t understand when she walked away from the debate.
  2. I’ll never understand why people insist on put others down. It is so embarrassing passing through this kind of situation.
  3. Marie needs therapy! Every little thing someone says to her she takes it to heart.
  4. Did you warn the employees about the feedback session today? They need to be open for criticism.
  5. Chris told Kevin yesterday he changed his mind. Maybe he thinks someone has a point.

Put the words in the correct order to make sentences.

Example: very / Dave / to / criticism / doesn’t be / open / seem / to > Dave doesn’t seem to be very open to criticism.

  1. on / we / usually / each / don’t / other / Mondays / see
  2. might / In / you / try / future / to / the / more / little / a / polite / be
  3. shouldn’t / you / offended / be / mean / it / compliment / a / they / as
  4. feel / am / when / I / stand / honest / people / they / because / being / under / can’t / are / just / I / attack.
  5. down / their / It’s / put / not / to / because / people / nice / looks / of
  1. We don’t usually see each other on Mondays.
  2. In the future you might try to be a little more polite.
  3. You shouldn’t be offended. They mean it as a compliment.
  4. I can’t stand when people feel they are under attack just because I am being honest.
  5. It’s not nice to put people down because of their looks.

Which sentences are wrong?

  1. Why you always take what he says for heart?

  2. I mean what I say last night.

  3. Euclides mean that he said as a serious statement, not a joke.

  4. If things get loud, just walks away from the debate.

  5. It’s hard to admit this, but I think you have valid point.

  1. Why do you always take what he says to heart?

  2. I meant what I said last night.

  3. Euclides meant what he said as a serious statement, not a joke.

  4. If things get loud, just walk away from the debate.

  5. It’s hard to admit this, but I think you have a valid point.

Writing

Write a letter to a friend who needs the tips on taking criticism gracefully. Remember to use as much of the Target Language as possible.