If Only

Lead-in

  • What are three wishes you have for your life?
  • What wishes do you have for your country?
  • In your opinion, why are wishes important to people?
  • What pops into your mind when you hear the word “wishes”?

Presentation

Pre

  • Talk about a regret you have.
  • Do people usually have the same regret you just mentioned? Why do you think that is?

Top Down

  • What is the main point of the text? Read it and find out.
  1. Be thankful and enjoy the present.
  2. Analyze your past in order to learn.
  3. What matters the most is our future actions.
  1. Be thankful and enjoy the present.
  2. Analyze your past in order to learn.
  3. What matters the most is our future actions. 

Are you stuck in the ‘If Only’ mind?

The ‘if only’ mind is constantly reaching for happiness. ‘If only’ comes from a place of discontent.
Underlying the ‘if only’ mind is grasping. Its meaning is: I’m not happy where I am. I’m not happy with my choices. And, I’ll be happy when …

This is called ‘counterfactual’ thinking.

Unfortunately, it is very rare for us to be in ‘downward counterfactual’ thinking; when we think or believe that things could have been a lot worse. We very rarely think to ourselves “Thank goodness I didn’t take that job. It definitely wasn’t right for me.”

This is because we have a cognitive bias toward negative ways of thinking. We can’t help it. It’s how we are wired up. We are Teflon for pleasure and Velcro for the negative ways of thinking.
Our brains are primed for noticing the threats in life and sometimes that is a good thing as it helps keep us safe. However, if our thinking has become swayed towards threat and lack, then it’s time to reprogram our brains.

The ‘if only’ mind can have some benefits if used in the right way. If we feel that we have made a mistake or made the wrong decision then we can certainly learn from this, and we might do things differently in the future.

And there’s nothing wrong with reflecting on how things might have been or how we might strive towards self-improvement. As long as we don’t get attached to constantly believing that life will only be good when…..(fill in the blank)
If you find that you never have any sense of well-being at all, and that you are constantly desiring more and more of what you can’t have then there might be an issue.

  • Being present.

The problem with all this thinking back to the past is that we are not present, in the here and now. How often do we think to ourselves, “Right now I’m ok”?

  • Gratitude.

One of the things that we can do to alter our ‘if only’ mind is to show gratitude for what we do have.

The ‘if only’ mind lives in the future. Showing gratitude for what we have or where we are right now, in the present can help to bring us into the here and now and we can gradually alter our ways of thinking.

Gratitude has been proven to help with depression, improve well-being, increase resilience and reduce stress. So even though it might seem some hippy dippy nonsense that’s not worth bothering with this might encourage us to think again.
Keeping a gratitude journal each night can help us to look at what we do have in our lives rather than looking constantly at the lack of. As well as this, research has shown that people who write about gratitude tend to use fewer negative words and more positive words, which is all good for our positive mental attitudes.

Bottom Up

  • True or False?

Example: The text focus in the importance of regret. False

  1. The ‘if only’ minded people act the way they act because of discontent.
  2. People hardly ever think to themselves “I should’ve done things differently.”
  3. The ‘if only’ mind can only have bad effects even if used in the right way.
  4. Being present and showing gratitude are ways of avoiding the “if only” mind.
  5. Using fewer negative words and more positive words helps to improve our positive mental attitudes.
  1. The ‘if only’ minded people act the way they act because of discontent. True
  2. People hardly ever think to themselves “I should’ve done things differently.” False
  3. The ‘if only’ mind can only have bad effects even if used in the right way. False
  4. Being present and showing gratitude are ways of avoiding the “if only” mind. True
  5. Using fewer negative words and more positive words helps to improve our positive mental attitudes. True

Post

  • Are you stuck in the “If only” mind? Talk about your opinion on the “if only” feeling.
  • What can we do to enjoy the present? 
  • What about to show gratitude?

Target Language

If Only & I Wish

Whenever we are unsatisfied with a situation we can use if only or I wish + Past Simple to discuss how things could be different.

  • I wish people didn’t get so stressed out in traffic.
  • If only she had a few more days to finish her project.
  • I wish I had more money in my bank account.
  • If only he treated her nicely, maybe they would still be together today.

Notice that when we use if only or I wish it is right to say I was and I were, the latter being more formal.

  • I wish I were you.
  • I wish I was you.

Wish Related Expressions

Controlled Practice

  • Match the expressions to their meanings. There is one example.

  1. Your wish is my command.

  2. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

  3. Be careful what you wish for, it might just come true.

  4. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.

(   ) used to tell people to think before they say that they want something and to suggest that they may not actually want it.

(   ) a proverb and nursery rhyme first recorded about 1628 in a collection of Scottish proverbs, which suggests if wishing could make things happen, then even the most destitute people would have everything they wanted.

(   ) something you say in order to emphasize that something is extremely unpleasant.

(1) used to say that one will do what someone else wants one to do.

  1. Your wish is my command.

  2. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

  3. Be careful what you wish for, it might just come true.

  4. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.

(3) used to tell people to think before they say that they want something and to suggest that they may not actually want it.

(2) a proverb and nursery rhyme first recorded about 1628 in a collection of Scottish proverbs, which suggests if wishing could make things happen, then even the most destitute people would have everything they wanted.

(4) something you say in order to emphasize that something is extremely unpleasant.

(1) used to say that one will do what someone else wants one to do.

Freer Practice

  • Complete the sentences according to your opinion.
    • I wish I had…
    • If only I could…
    • Wishing for… can ruin someone’s life.
    • I wish I was… but at the same time, I’m grateful for…
    • I hope I will…
    • Other people’s wishes are…

Production

  • Read the following statements and give some advice for each.

Example: If only I had exercised more. > Well, if you wish to exercise, you can start going to the gym now, and also…

    • If only I didn’t move out of my hometown.
    • I wish I wasn’t afraid of dogs.
    • If only I ate healthier food when I was younger.
    • I wish I could stop being so aggressive.
    • I wish I could find another job, but I’m afraid to try.

Homework

Match the sentence halves. There is one example.

  1. If I could find a way to clone myself, for today only, I…

  2. I am not the author of my life, but it’s a ghostwriter, and I…

  3. I can tell she hates my mother, despises…

  4. If only they knew that the only way to prevent this from…

  5. As no one wishes to speak against…

  6. In retrospect, I wish I’d got someone at the other…

(6) end of the room to call me when he set off.

(   ) her so much she wishes she had never set foot in her office.

(   ) happening is if they didn’t take the bait.

(   ) the motion, we shall pass to the vote.

(1) would, if only to be able to divide both workload and social loyalties.

(   ) wish I’d been able to come up with something more outrageous.

  1. If I could find a way to clone myself, for today only, I…

  2. I am not the author of my life, but it’s a ghostwriter, and I…

  3. I can tell she hates my mother, despises…

  4. If only they knew that the only way to prevent this from…

  5. As no one wishes to speak against…

  6. In retrospect, I wish I’d got someone at the other…

(6) end of the room to call me when he set off.

(3) her so much she wishes she had never set foot in her office.

(4) happening is if they didn’t take the bait.

(5) the motion, we shall pass to the vote.

(1) would, if only to be able to divide both workload and social loyalties.

(2) wish I’d been able to come up with something more outrageous.

Complete the sentences with the correct form of the verbs in brackets. There is one example.

  1. It would’ve been convincing if only he didn’t look as if he was trying to superglue it to his forehead.
  2. On the one hand, I wish I _______ this woman’s faith, her assurance about good and evil, about the way things will turn out. (have)
  3. I just wish he didn’t _______ the ball so much. (carry)
  4. Dad ignores his daughter if he passes her in the street and she wishes he didn’t _______ of the Lottery. (hear)
  1. It would’ve been convincing if only he didn’t look as if he was trying to superglue it to his forehead.
  2. On the one hand, I wish I had this woman’s faith, her assurance about good and evil, about the way things will turn out.
  3. I just wish he didn’t carry the ball so much.
  4. Dad ignores his daughter if he passes her in the street and she wishes he didn’t hear of the Lottery.

Using the following words to complete the sentences.

RETURN – THANKS – ADVENTURE – EXPRESS – HAPPENED – SERVE

Example: The course is open to mature adults, particularly women, who wish to _______ to the workforce. > The course is open to mature adults, particularly women, who wish to return to the workforce.

  1. I wish it hadn’t _______, but the paper has done the right thing now in setting the record straight and giving me a chance to respond.
  2. You know, no matter how hard I wish for it, life will never be like an _______ game.
  3. I’m not vindictive and I don’t wish any ill health on him, but he has to _______ the time.
  4. So we give _______ to all of you and wish you a peaceful and joyful Christmas.
  5. It was certainly not our intention to be offensive and we wish to again _______ our regret to anyone who was displeased by the ad.
  1. I wish it hadn’t happened, but the paper has done the right thing now in setting the record straight and giving me a chance to respond.
  2. You know, no matter how hard I wish for it, life will never be like an adventure game.
  3. I’m not vindictive and I don’t wish any ill health on him, but he has to serve the time.
  4. So we give thanks to all of you and wish you a peaceful and joyful Christmas.
  5. It was certainly not our intention to be offensive and we wish to again express our regret to anyone who was displeased by the ad.

Put the words in the correct order to make sentences.

Example: about hidden if blabbered would he some knew would his life. was to where us how treasure only away swear he and we He save tell > He blabbered away about how he knew where some treasure was hidden and he would tell us if only we would swear to save his life.

  1. their only a or wish no food lavish wedding, blessings. family my small I or just for and gowns, gifts
  2. one race one in a we could as called another become humankind. only love and If
  3. guys time. too much for translate I would the I it you word, but take for song wish word could
  4. only something Ah, if than had this to we expect better existence! hand-to-mouth
  5. a could we little faster. to if get the train run only express Now
  1. I only wish for a small wedding, no gifts or lavish food or gowns, just my family and their blessings.
  2. If only we could love one another and become as one in a race called humankind.
  3. I wish I could translate the song for you guys word for word, but it would take too much time.
  4. Ah, if only we had something better to expect than this hand-to-mouth existence!
  5. Now if only we could get the express train to run a little faster.

Which 2 sentences are wrong? Find and correct the mistakes. 

  1. If only we negotiating our differences rather than dwell on the anxieties of difference. 
  2. As far as I’m concerned, that’s like saying a sick man would be cured, if only we took him out of his bed made of wood, and put him in a bed made of solid gold!
  3. Against that background, one can only ask again how much more we could do if only we had more resources.
  4. But if only we could think less selfishly about the present and more about the far future then we may just save our sanity.
  5. If only we could all be more skeptical about what we’re told, there weren’t be any more Inquisitions.
  1. If only we negotiate our differences rather than dwell on the anxieties of difference. 
  2. As far as I’m concerned, that’s like saying a sick man would be cured, if only we took him out of his bed made of wood, and put him in a bed made of solid gold!
  3. Against that background, one can only ask again how much more we could do if only we had more resources.
  4. But if only we could think less selfishly about the present and more about the far future then we may just save our sanity.
  5. If only we could all be more skeptical about what we’re told, there wouldn’t be any more Inquisitions.

Writing

Write about past wishes you used to have. Remember to use as much of the Target Language as possible.

Example: When I was a kid I used to wish I found a doll…